Facebook saved my spirit when I lost my income. I got wrapped up playing apps and honing my skill as a gamer while I stewed in my own sadness. I reconnected with old friends and started new relationships because of this community connecting superhighway inside the box.
Since I worked at a university for a good chunk of the last chunk of the last decade or so, I was in a great position to understand social media, even "at my age." I started with Myspace while I was working at CSUN and found that it was a great way to stay connected with my favorite students after I left. Then came Facebook and Twitter and things got really interesting at that point. I found myself swimming along the social networking currents and learning a lot along the way. After a couple years of living in this realm, I find that I enjoy it a lot and that I am happy that I used my time without a job description to teach myself some modern skills. As a mom of three kids, I want to feel as current in the marketplace as I can while still maintaining a sense of life balance.
Here are some of my lessons learned around media, 2010, being a career changer and trying to stay current in some changing energy currents:
1. Get your story straight. What's your plan? What is it you are trying to accomplish using social media? Be clear about what you want to offer and what you want in exchange. When I would say "I am a grant writer" at parties or on Facebook, people would say "whaaa?" and then eventually they might think of a non profit they know who "needs someone like me" ( typically as a volunteer) which they talk about like I do voo doo. I had to get clear with what I was seeking in a career path, how I thought people in my life might help. I needed to learn to make it easy to understand and clear in regards to what I needed. I had to get clear with myself about what I thought I needed. You might seek the services of a career coach, life coach, therapist, representative of faith or other guidance oriented human for this part of the process. There's a lot to sort through in getting your story figured out when you feel confused.
2. Be open minded - While simultaneously getting more clear about your needs and what you think might be a next step for your career path as illustrated in my #1, you also have to be open minded to where the solution may originate. Friends from previous schools and jobs may provide the keys to your current issues. You may find a new career direction comes at you from unexpected places and in packages you didn't expect.
3. It is about who you know, especially in this kind of economy. People who know you are more interested in helping you. I had to get over some embarrassment about needing help finding my career path again. I started posting more and more about my quest and I got all sorts of different types of assistance as a result. My 350 "friends" on Facebook reflect my forty years of life. Some of them I've known since I was born and I have lots of people gained in the journey. Now I can share my life with them in little bite sized nuggets and I can enjoy looking at what they are eating for lunch today. In the end, our relationships ( fostered through social media) were what got us back on the income path. My husband's new boss was one of my favorite, active student volunteers at CSUN.
4. Get over your hang ups about asking for help. If you are stuck in your quest for income, help can only be, well, helpful. Stop worrying about how you will look to others and start talking about what you need. Family parties, social media, lunch dates with former co-workers are all valid places to spread the news about what you are looking for and how others might help you get it. People in your life probably want to help you and the people who like to talk smack about your personal lives are gonna talk anyways. So stop worrying and start connecting to people who care about you and want to help you.
5. Find faith. Find a support system. Find therapy. Find something that helps you put a frame of your experience for you. The internet is great for this. You can get on career related boards, social boards and niche boards. What you need during times of crisis and change is a sense that you are not alone. That's where the internet really shines. Without my mothering boards, I would have not survived early motherhood. Many of these women are still my friends ( now on Facebook). I still love mothering related boards and I find a lot of compassion and great ideas at these centers of online communities, even career related. I also have used social media to connect with others who share my faith. I find this very satisfying and helpful during times where I've felt my faith ( and resolve in my own plan) was being tested. Seeking tribe in one form or another is import during career transition. Equally important is having a focus for your group efforts so it doesn't become a pity party.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Living my own truth
When I had a j-o-b with a description and an HR department attached, I had an identity applied to me. These titles I held helped to define me. When I lost my title, along with my income, over a year ago, I thought my life was over. I wasn't sure how to define myself anymore. The tasks I was getting paid for before are no longer priority funding areas. The news in my former industry
(non profit and education) continues to be troubling.
Meanwhile, my self worth and sense of who I am professionally took a nose dive. That was painful.
My career has been safe and tidy up until recently. I made seemingly wise choices to direct me towards my goals. When I found myself without a safe path anymore, I was in shock. That shock led me to have to face a few questions.
Career discovery questions:
1. What would I do if I wasn't being paid to do anything in particular?
2. After my year without a job, what was I doing with my time? Where was my energy in 2010?
3. What is really important to me in 2010 and what are my priorities now?
4. What lessons can I take from my year without a job into my next life phase?
The reason I separate questions one and two is that I asked myself the question about my time over the course of my year without a job. At first it was more speculative. I wasn't sure what I would end up doing other than freaking out about not having income. What I learned was that I love talking on the phone and on-line, writing and helping other people solve their own problems. I also like to volunteer and consult and stay mentally connected to projects that inspire me.
After a while, I learned what I was actually doing with my time. I had spent a lot of energy on on-line social networking and writing and PR over my year without a job. I had learned new skills around PR and found myself with a strange hobby of getting national press talking about my life. Hunh.
When my husband got an income generating position with a non profit, I had to take a hard look at my own priorities with my income earning life. I've been in do-gooder, service oriented jobs my whole adult life. Now that I have an active volunteer, family and community life, I don't have the same emotional needs I did before with my career. Now I want my career to fit into my life and be part of who I am now. I'm excited to be getting involved with new projects and new adventures in a more for-profit world. I figure that if I can find a way to make a good income and support my family, all the better.
I continue to marvel at how we made it through this year without income. It took a lot of fortitude. I want to be aware of the lessons I gained in my year and try to use my experiences to make the best informed choices I can moving forward.
Some things I've come to understand:
1. I love writing. I was in denial about it. It's what I always wanted to do. Writing grants as my career path was a great back up plan, but now I feel I have something to say for myself. Having the opportunity to express myself with reporters helped me a lot. Working with reporters helped me understand the business of writing. I'm not sure many of us are completely clear about how to make money in 2010 writing, but we're sure working at it! I plan to keep writing and talking until someone pays me to write or talk for them.
2. I still want to work from home. I love my hybrid mom/career life. It works for me and it is the dream I always had growing up. I want to have my career and be connected with my kids. For me, that means working from home at this point. I continue to seek ways to succeed in this goal and get the bottom line to a better place.
3. Selling myself is hard. Coming up with a list of the skills I am willing to "sell" has been a challenge. Applying for a job with a description that makes sense to me is easy, creating my own path is much more difficult. I'm getting there.
I'm just swimming along these days. I'm happy I'm not settling for a job I don't feel is a fit and I'm also happy that I'm forging my own path. I'm pretty clear that's the way you find success- do what you love and the rest will follow. In a modern real life, however, that's a tall order to accomplish.
(non profit and education) continues to be troubling.
Meanwhile, my self worth and sense of who I am professionally took a nose dive. That was painful.
My career has been safe and tidy up until recently. I made seemingly wise choices to direct me towards my goals. When I found myself without a safe path anymore, I was in shock. That shock led me to have to face a few questions.
Career discovery questions:
1. What would I do if I wasn't being paid to do anything in particular?
2. After my year without a job, what was I doing with my time? Where was my energy in 2010?
3. What is really important to me in 2010 and what are my priorities now?
4. What lessons can I take from my year without a job into my next life phase?
The reason I separate questions one and two is that I asked myself the question about my time over the course of my year without a job. At first it was more speculative. I wasn't sure what I would end up doing other than freaking out about not having income. What I learned was that I love talking on the phone and on-line, writing and helping other people solve their own problems. I also like to volunteer and consult and stay mentally connected to projects that inspire me.
After a while, I learned what I was actually doing with my time. I had spent a lot of energy on on-line social networking and writing and PR over my year without a job. I had learned new skills around PR and found myself with a strange hobby of getting national press talking about my life. Hunh.
When my husband got an income generating position with a non profit, I had to take a hard look at my own priorities with my income earning life. I've been in do-gooder, service oriented jobs my whole adult life. Now that I have an active volunteer, family and community life, I don't have the same emotional needs I did before with my career. Now I want my career to fit into my life and be part of who I am now. I'm excited to be getting involved with new projects and new adventures in a more for-profit world. I figure that if I can find a way to make a good income and support my family, all the better.
I continue to marvel at how we made it through this year without income. It took a lot of fortitude. I want to be aware of the lessons I gained in my year and try to use my experiences to make the best informed choices I can moving forward.
Some things I've come to understand:
1. I love writing. I was in denial about it. It's what I always wanted to do. Writing grants as my career path was a great back up plan, but now I feel I have something to say for myself. Having the opportunity to express myself with reporters helped me a lot. Working with reporters helped me understand the business of writing. I'm not sure many of us are completely clear about how to make money in 2010 writing, but we're sure working at it! I plan to keep writing and talking until someone pays me to write or talk for them.
2. I still want to work from home. I love my hybrid mom/career life. It works for me and it is the dream I always had growing up. I want to have my career and be connected with my kids. For me, that means working from home at this point. I continue to seek ways to succeed in this goal and get the bottom line to a better place.
3. Selling myself is hard. Coming up with a list of the skills I am willing to "sell" has been a challenge. Applying for a job with a description that makes sense to me is easy, creating my own path is much more difficult. I'm getting there.
I'm just swimming along these days. I'm happy I'm not settling for a job I don't feel is a fit and I'm also happy that I'm forging my own path. I'm pretty clear that's the way you find success- do what you love and the rest will follow. In a modern real life, however, that's a tall order to accomplish.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Always Here
As a latch key kid of working divorced parents, it was important to me to that my kids got to see me and my husband.... while they were still kids. Afternoon snack, homework and play time are two of my favorite parts of being a work-at- home mom. I've learned that, while I may not be as involved as a 100% dedicated mom can be, I can still hit transitions with the kids all day and I enjoy those. We eat cook and eat together a lot more than the average family does these days, I think.
In fact, while the current term stay at home mom seems to apply to fewer and fewer of my friends, I also notice that these women ( or their counter part the stay at home dad) don't "stay" at home as much as I do as a work-from-home mom. I always thought the term stay-at-home mom was awkward, primarily because I see these moms out volunteering, shlepping to events, doing family chores, etc. Because I'm tethered to my job, I have to be home to do it. I stay at home a lot, trying to find time to get it all done.
On the other hand, I am always home. My life has conspired to make this possible since I don't drive, but my kids know I'm always here and I think they benefit from that stability. I may be cranky if I'm in project mode, but they know where to find me. In the middle of all the ways I can feel like a crappy parent, I know that my kids have the security of knowing where they can find me.
My youngest turns five this year and we'll be leaving early childhood behind us when he goes off to Kindergarden. I'm counting the days now, in part because I can't wait for a new phase in my life when we have all three in (the same) school and also because I will miss having the little dude around. This should be the last child we see through this phase of life. I didn't get to witness all of these times with my daughters because I was working outside the home then and my husband was the work-at-home parent. For a time, we were both home, first working from home at the same time and then notably NOT working for a year. We've gotten to spend a lot of time with our children and also work on volunteer projects that benefit our kids.
With Bill working outside now, I'm in the parenting hot seat full time, even though I still need to earn income. I feel like a better career person than full time parent. Having a paying job is easier than full-time motherhood, in my opinion. With motherhood as your main role, you are never off duty and there's not a lot of immediate gratification like a paycheck. You don't get the adult small talk patter of an office and you don't get the validation of a business title based on your years of study and hard work. It's hard to survive on one income in LA under the best economies and the realities of what being 100% dedicated to family means to the bottom line are difficult to handle.
I'm not trying to make a case that being a work at home mom is better than being a full-time dedicated mom, but for me it is a better fit. I do want to make the case that this motherhood thing is really complicated in 2010. I still want my own identity as career minded sort of person. I still want to feel like an adult sometimes with a clear job description and HR department. For me, not working is really hard. It's in my DNA to work.
I do think that if my husband's salary covered all the bills, then I would look at motherhood as my career and it might feel differently to me. But that's not the case today and I can't imagine it as a path that would be a great fit for me anyway. I didn't want to be a mom who was always working, but I also didn't want to be the mom who has a gap in her life when her kids grow up.
So much balancing needed in this crazy life.
This week I have a sick child and that's when I feel the most justified in being at home, however I'm here. My schedule is flexible and I don't feel stressed about how I'm going to deal with her being home. And where one is sick, there may be more. I'm always home though and so it doesn't stress me. I like doing nurse-mom stuff as much as I like snack-mom duty, so this is all good.
In fact, while the current term stay at home mom seems to apply to fewer and fewer of my friends, I also notice that these women ( or their counter part the stay at home dad) don't "stay" at home as much as I do as a work-from-home mom. I always thought the term stay-at-home mom was awkward, primarily because I see these moms out volunteering, shlepping to events, doing family chores, etc. Because I'm tethered to my job, I have to be home to do it. I stay at home a lot, trying to find time to get it all done.
On the other hand, I am always home. My life has conspired to make this possible since I don't drive, but my kids know I'm always here and I think they benefit from that stability. I may be cranky if I'm in project mode, but they know where to find me. In the middle of all the ways I can feel like a crappy parent, I know that my kids have the security of knowing where they can find me.
My youngest turns five this year and we'll be leaving early childhood behind us when he goes off to Kindergarden. I'm counting the days now, in part because I can't wait for a new phase in my life when we have all three in (the same) school and also because I will miss having the little dude around. This should be the last child we see through this phase of life. I didn't get to witness all of these times with my daughters because I was working outside the home then and my husband was the work-at-home parent. For a time, we were both home, first working from home at the same time and then notably NOT working for a year. We've gotten to spend a lot of time with our children and also work on volunteer projects that benefit our kids.
With Bill working outside now, I'm in the parenting hot seat full time, even though I still need to earn income. I feel like a better career person than full time parent. Having a paying job is easier than full-time motherhood, in my opinion. With motherhood as your main role, you are never off duty and there's not a lot of immediate gratification like a paycheck. You don't get the adult small talk patter of an office and you don't get the validation of a business title based on your years of study and hard work. It's hard to survive on one income in LA under the best economies and the realities of what being 100% dedicated to family means to the bottom line are difficult to handle.
I'm not trying to make a case that being a work at home mom is better than being a full-time dedicated mom, but for me it is a better fit. I do want to make the case that this motherhood thing is really complicated in 2010. I still want my own identity as career minded sort of person. I still want to feel like an adult sometimes with a clear job description and HR department. For me, not working is really hard. It's in my DNA to work.
I do think that if my husband's salary covered all the bills, then I would look at motherhood as my career and it might feel differently to me. But that's not the case today and I can't imagine it as a path that would be a great fit for me anyway. I didn't want to be a mom who was always working, but I also didn't want to be the mom who has a gap in her life when her kids grow up.
So much balancing needed in this crazy life.
This week I have a sick child and that's when I feel the most justified in being at home, however I'm here. My schedule is flexible and I don't feel stressed about how I'm going to deal with her being home. And where one is sick, there may be more. I'm always home though and so it doesn't stress me. I like doing nurse-mom stuff as much as I like snack-mom duty, so this is all good.
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