Always Here

As a latch key kid of working divorced parents, it was important to me to that my kids got to see me and my husband.... while they were still kids. Afternoon snack, homework and play time are two of my favorite parts of being a work-at- home mom. I've learned that, while I may not be as involved as a 100% dedicated mom can be, I can still hit transitions with the kids all day and I enjoy those. We eat cook and eat together a lot more than the average family does these days, I think.

In fact, while the current term stay at home mom seems to apply to fewer and fewer of my friends, I also notice that these women ( or their counter part the stay at home dad) don't "stay" at home as much as I do as a work-from-home mom. I always thought the term stay-at-home mom was awkward, primarily because I see these moms out volunteering, shlepping to events, doing family chores, etc. Because I'm tethered to my job, I have to be home to do it. I stay at home a lot, trying to find time to get it all done.

On the other hand, I am always home. My life has conspired to make this possible since I don't drive, but my kids know I'm always here and I think they benefit from that stability. I may be cranky if I'm in project mode, but they know where to find me. In the middle of all the ways I can feel like a crappy parent, I know that my kids have the security of knowing where they can find me.

My youngest turns five this year and we'll be leaving early childhood behind us when he goes off to Kindergarden. I'm counting the days now, in part because I can't wait for a new phase in my life when we have all three in (the same) school and also because I will miss having the little dude around. This should be the last child we see through this phase of life. I didn't get to witness all of these times with my daughters because I was working outside the home then and my husband was the work-at-home parent. For a time, we were both home, first working from home at the same time and then notably NOT working for a year. We've gotten to spend a lot of time with our children and also work on volunteer projects that benefit our kids.

With Bill working outside now, I'm in the parenting hot seat full time, even though I still need to earn income. I feel like a better career person than full time parent. Having a paying job is easier than full-time motherhood, in my opinion. With motherhood as your main role, you are never off duty and there's not a lot of immediate gratification like a paycheck. You don't get the adult small talk patter of an office and you don't get the validation of a business title based on your years of study and hard work. It's hard to survive on one income in LA under the best economies and the realities of what being 100% dedicated to family means to the bottom line are difficult to handle.
I'm not trying to make a case that being a work at home mom is better than being a full-time dedicated mom, but for me it is a better fit. I do want to make the case that this motherhood thing is really complicated in 2010. I still want my own identity as career minded sort of person. I still want to feel like an adult sometimes with a clear job description and HR department. For me, not working is really hard. It's in my DNA to work.

I do think that if my husband's salary covered all the bills, then I would look at motherhood as my career and it might feel differently to me. But that's not the case today and I can't imagine it as a path that would be a great fit for me anyway. I didn't want to be a mom who was always working, but I also didn't want to be the mom who has a gap in her life when her kids grow up.
So much balancing needed in this crazy life.

This week I have a sick child and that's when I feel the most justified in being at home, however I'm here. My schedule is flexible and I don't feel stressed about how I'm going to deal with her being home. And where one is sick, there may be more. I'm always home though and so it doesn't stress me. I like doing nurse-mom stuff as much as I like snack-mom duty, so this is all good.