A Year Without A Job- holiday edition

A year ago, I still felt pretty much like myself. I expected that an opportunity would come my way and my life would stay pretty much the way it was before. My lay-off was just a glitch to the plan. Right?

It was this time last year ( after my spate of press) that I started to face the music about what was coming in my career and also for my husband in his niche. My life was changing, my state ( CA) was changing, the world was changing. Uh-oh. I have three kids and it is holiday time. Crap.

I come from a retail background and I enjoyed the mall in my day, it is true. I do miss consumption sometimes. Finding myself without an income in the middle of a ginormous economic crisis was not what I had in mind for my life. At the holidays last year, I wanted so desperately to retain my normal. I felt in shock about how the heck I was going to keep going for my three kids and get this figured out.

In the year since then, I've realized a few things and I'm gonna share those now:

1. Presence, not presents, make the holidays. While having less income means less presents, it means my husband and I are available more often for our children. My kids want my attention and focus more than they really want that toy they'll play with five times and then discard.

2. Family togetherness is fun. I've noticed this year that we do more chores together as a family now and sing often while we do them. We all make up silly songs as part of our daily lives and we love to sing. So now that we are home more and at the mall/movies/activity less, we sing more. We also drum, play games, create shows, watch Youtube, etc. as a family. It's more enjoyable than I knew coming into this. Sometimes I feel stressed about the not-working thing and feel like an irresponsible parent. Then I go cook something with my kids and I feel better.

3. Traditions are what makes a family. My kids are coming up with all sorts of things we do "every year" now. It is awesome and fun. We like to spread cheer and joy as a family and I'm noticing that the kids are picking up on some of my habits like going to malls this time of year and just being cheery to stressed out shoppers. My daughters have favorite recipes now and various ideas about what happens when. These little traditions we make will be what they remember more than the absence of the latest toy.

4. Giving Back gives back to you, too. Last year we were getting food from a food bank and my kids, husband and I had to work through that for ourselves. We appreciated the joy in a can we got every time we got food there. The help we received gave us great joy when we needed it most. This year, my girls have been involved with making sure we donate toys and food when we can and we've enjoyed spreading joy in this way. Since we've had some funds this year, we make sure to buy an extra here and there. The girls feel strongly about these donations and so do I. It feels good to help others the way we have been helped. I have hold fast to the idea with my kids that there's always someone who needs our help in this world. This perspective has helped us all weather this crazy year of change.

5. Count your blessings. My family has a lot of resources that other families don't have. We are very fortunate in so many ways. I try to remember that when I want to feel whiny. But more than just realizing that it could be worse, I also have been trying to honor the many people in our lives that help us in ways large and small. This journey of not having an income has been rough, and I wouldn't have made it through without the support in my life that we do have. I've also had to learn to open my mouth and ask for help too. Blessings don't read minds.

I'm looking forward to a week of joy with my family and friends. We have a dear friend who found a new place and is moving this week and we'll be spending some time in the karmic moving continuum. We'll also be playing with our kids, spending time with extended family, working on our own writing careers and looking for ways to earn income so we can live to tell the tale.

Just saying no

During my own year without a regular job, I've have to learn a lot about holding my boundaries.
While feeling the punch of a financial crisis, it is easy to feel like you ought to take any job available.

After a while of hitting brick walls with my career plan this year, I started to feel very confused. Along with the changing economy, I'm not sure where to put my eggs. The "basket" is hard to understand right now. Will the basket in question hold water? You don't know till you pour your heart, soul and energy into the basket. And then the little sucker breaks onto your shoes.

My career path confuses other people too. I've stopped trying to define it and I'm trying to be open minded. But I still should have a better answer to the question than "something with a line item and a budget" as my career choice. I have had to learn to fake it till I make it and keep an open mind about opportunities.

Here's the thing about opportunities tho- not all of them are the right one. How the heck do you sort out where to put the eggs? If any job is a good job, where do you draw the line?

Here are some tools I've used this year to evaluate my options

Cost:benefit analysis- Is this worth my time right now? Can it lead to something else? Will this project help me with my network of allies? Are there actual costs associated with this role ( like childcare, wardrobe, transportation costs?) Is the benefit of the role worth it?

My own mission- Even in sucky economic times, I try to be true to myself and my goals for my career. In fact, it is probably more important now than ever. I don't want to let the economic winds force me too far off track. But I can't eat my values. Yay for balance!

Impact on my family- Another type of cost of work is how a role will impact my family. Taking a role that changes our lifestyle does impact them too. I brainstorm about how a role is going to fit into our lives and then use that evidence to help me evaluate.

Emotions versus logic- Sometimes my reasons for wanting to say no to an opportunity are logical and sometimes they are emotional. Both are valid, but it helps to understand which one is driving the bus. I trust my intuition and I trust evidence I can evaluate about a role.

Viability of an organization or business- I've been connecting with a lot of start ups and young organizations as a result of the work I do. I've had to take hard looks at these businesses and evaluate the long term impact for my career. It is hard to predict what will be economically viable these days, but I have to give it my best shot with the information I have available.

Making promises I can keep- Saying "yes" is easy to do. I want to help people. I want to work with motivated people and make rain happen. But I can't do it all, even if I was getting paid. I've had to learn my boundaries about what is reasonable on my end too.

Faith in the process- I took a leap of faith with my career that I could be balanced and healthy and happy and wise. I have to trust the process now and that is hard to do some days.

Learning to say "no" to offers has been hard for me this year. I don't want to make stupid choices and that includes not wanting to turn my back on opportunities. But I also have to look at what a position offers. Lots of people want me to work for free with the option of maybe possibly one day getting paid to do what I do. I've been calling it "pro bono" work lately rather than volunteerism. This makes me feel a little better and it may be how I have to carve my career path out now. I may not get a job as a programs person in non profits again until I write a grant and make it happen. But I still want my choices to be good ones.

My year without a job

I was officially let off contract/laid-off in fall of 2008. Since then, my life has been a series of questions and not a lot of answers. Every time I think I move forward, something has happened that messes with the latest plan. The good news is that I see signs of hope now that I didn't a year ago and now people are talking about it. When I was first in the free fall suck fest of no job and no clue what to do, most people in my life still had income. The scary part is how many people have joined me in this boat over the past year. People I didn't expect to see in the boat. While that made me feel better as an individual, it scared me for the implications to our future as a species. It has been a scary year to go through this process, but I'm still kickin a year later. I'm sure the day will come when I look back on these times and laugh. Right? "Remember the 2000's- that decade was a hoot, wasn't it?"

Here are some of my thoughts about not having a job this year:

1. Not having a title is scary. I've had a title (and a door and assistants) in my career. Now i don't even have a title. Who am I? Do I have worth anymore?

2. Not have an industry is scarier. When I was let go, I had to take a hard look at my chosen niche and my strategy for my career. My industry (grant writing for Charter schools in CA) has been in turmoil this year. I am pretty sure the education system will realize they need grant writers and program planners again, but it may take a few years to regain foresight. Meanwhile, my plan took a nose dive. My safe, logical plan. So sad.

3. Living my program with volunteering has been awesome. I've been a person who is paid to coordinate volunteers for a long time now. I counseled a lot of students to volunteer and get involved. Now I am doing it myself, I really see the value. I've learned a great deal about who I am in the present separate from the titles and plans. What I will do for free tells me a lot about who I am now, in 2009/2010. I have also been able to learn skills and modernize my resume.

4. Beyond the crystal ball. I've always been able to predict outcomes pretty well and spot trends in funding. But my crystal ball got messed up in the last couple of years. I get a lot of static when I try to evaluate the best plan for moving forward and what the future will hold. I've had to let go of the plan and accept the present and just be who I am. I'm not really sure where I'll find a paying role again and I'm not sure how to help others know where to put their eggs either. The new normal is an evolving beast now. I've had to accept that the plan needs to be really fluid.

5. I need less than I used to think I needed. I've learned to live cheaper and this part is cool. I plan to keep some lessons I've learned in scaling back spending.

6. Community is important. I've been more involved with community stuff this year and it has helped me in many ways. Help has come from surprising places for us this year and we've also been able to help others too. I feel fortunate to have great people in my life.

7. Politics are important. Ironically, I've had a lot of time this year to be involved with politics that are important to me. It has been gratifying to be involved with projects that mean something to me. I may not have a regular job, but I am involved in a lot of projects that need people like me with energy to get them done.

8. I am not my job. This is perhaps the most important lesson I've gotten this year. So much energy is spent figuring out out professional roles and we spend so much time at work and stressing about work. While I can feel like a strange duck sometimes since I don't have a career path and title right now, I also have a sense of freedom and connected-ness to who I am rather than the role I was in. I see work/life/family balance differently than I did a year ago and I take the lessons I've learned this year seriously.

It's all about who you know

I wrote a humorous post a couple days back about how some people can be annoying when you have no job. Well, other people can also be wonderful and I wanted to share that perspective as well.

I used to take a pretty safe approach to my job. It was a fairly clear path with one skill set neatly tucked into another. By all accounts, I've had a great career so far. I win awards, people write me and tell me I changed their lives. But I ended up trying to innovate my career during a really hard time in history to be brave and bold. As a result, what I expected to work has not worked and now I need to find some new options.

Last year when my contracts dried up, I started using www.helpareporter.com as a tool to learn a different type of writing, modernize my tool kit and deal with my depression over my life and career. I started answering queries from reporters all over on assorted subject related to the economy and being a modern mom. The process of writing these queries up and talking to reporters was validating. It was exciting that anyone was interested given that I felt sucky most of the time. Then I started getting quoted in all sorts of random places- New York Times.com, Wall Street Journal ( with a drawing!), Parents magazine, Good Housekeeping, So Cal Connected.com LA Times, Cnn.com, Good Morning America.

Here's the thing with being quoted about things like having a sucky life- it stirs up things for people in your life. I got random job offers and job leads from strangers and friends alike. People sent money and presents at the holidays. One long time friend took a collection at work for us.
Friends who live far away worked together and sent an anonymous gift of a check and a tricked out Trader Joe's basket and fresh eggnog from a farm. That was awesome and we were touched by the random acts of kindness we experienced as a result of our press junket talking about "boo hoo for us."

I learned through my press that you never know who you know and you can't talk enough about what you are going through. It gets hard to keep saying "our lives suck right now" over and over again, but sometimes saying it out loud is the first step in changing the circumstances.

I hope that this year you can reach out to someone in need in your life. I know we are in a variety of ways. My kids are all too aware what a stressful holiday season looks like and they are motivating us to give to toy and foods drives because they know what it means to the recipients.
It feels good to help people and there's always someone a little needier than us.

Last year when we did the KCET web piece, my daughter said she wanted pants for a gift. A year later and she still needs pants. Things have changed in our world and it is process to face that change daily. As a family, we are focused less on what we want and more on what we need.
But we're also focusing on the many blessings we have which includes all the great people who have helped us in small and large ways this year.