My year without a job

I was officially let off contract/laid-off in fall of 2008. Since then, my life has been a series of questions and not a lot of answers. Every time I think I move forward, something has happened that messes with the latest plan. The good news is that I see signs of hope now that I didn't a year ago and now people are talking about it. When I was first in the free fall suck fest of no job and no clue what to do, most people in my life still had income. The scary part is how many people have joined me in this boat over the past year. People I didn't expect to see in the boat. While that made me feel better as an individual, it scared me for the implications to our future as a species. It has been a scary year to go through this process, but I'm still kickin a year later. I'm sure the day will come when I look back on these times and laugh. Right? "Remember the 2000's- that decade was a hoot, wasn't it?"

Here are some of my thoughts about not having a job this year:

1. Not having a title is scary. I've had a title (and a door and assistants) in my career. Now i don't even have a title. Who am I? Do I have worth anymore?

2. Not have an industry is scarier. When I was let go, I had to take a hard look at my chosen niche and my strategy for my career. My industry (grant writing for Charter schools in CA) has been in turmoil this year. I am pretty sure the education system will realize they need grant writers and program planners again, but it may take a few years to regain foresight. Meanwhile, my plan took a nose dive. My safe, logical plan. So sad.

3. Living my program with volunteering has been awesome. I've been a person who is paid to coordinate volunteers for a long time now. I counseled a lot of students to volunteer and get involved. Now I am doing it myself, I really see the value. I've learned a great deal about who I am in the present separate from the titles and plans. What I will do for free tells me a lot about who I am now, in 2009/2010. I have also been able to learn skills and modernize my resume.

4. Beyond the crystal ball. I've always been able to predict outcomes pretty well and spot trends in funding. But my crystal ball got messed up in the last couple of years. I get a lot of static when I try to evaluate the best plan for moving forward and what the future will hold. I've had to let go of the plan and accept the present and just be who I am. I'm not really sure where I'll find a paying role again and I'm not sure how to help others know where to put their eggs either. The new normal is an evolving beast now. I've had to accept that the plan needs to be really fluid.

5. I need less than I used to think I needed. I've learned to live cheaper and this part is cool. I plan to keep some lessons I've learned in scaling back spending.

6. Community is important. I've been more involved with community stuff this year and it has helped me in many ways. Help has come from surprising places for us this year and we've also been able to help others too. I feel fortunate to have great people in my life.

7. Politics are important. Ironically, I've had a lot of time this year to be involved with politics that are important to me. It has been gratifying to be involved with projects that mean something to me. I may not have a regular job, but I am involved in a lot of projects that need people like me with energy to get them done.

8. I am not my job. This is perhaps the most important lesson I've gotten this year. So much energy is spent figuring out out professional roles and we spend so much time at work and stressing about work. While I can feel like a strange duck sometimes since I don't have a career path and title right now, I also have a sense of freedom and connected-ness to who I am rather than the role I was in. I see work/life/family balance differently than I did a year ago and I take the lessons I've learned this year seriously.