Always Here

As a latch key kid of working divorced parents, it was important to me to that my kids got to see me and my husband.... while they were still kids. Afternoon snack, homework and play time are two of my favorite parts of being a work-at- home mom. I've learned that, while I may not be as involved as a 100% dedicated mom can be, I can still hit transitions with the kids all day and I enjoy those. We eat cook and eat together a lot more than the average family does these days, I think.

In fact, while the current term stay at home mom seems to apply to fewer and fewer of my friends, I also notice that these women ( or their counter part the stay at home dad) don't "stay" at home as much as I do as a work-from-home mom. I always thought the term stay-at-home mom was awkward, primarily because I see these moms out volunteering, shlepping to events, doing family chores, etc. Because I'm tethered to my job, I have to be home to do it. I stay at home a lot, trying to find time to get it all done.

On the other hand, I am always home. My life has conspired to make this possible since I don't drive, but my kids know I'm always here and I think they benefit from that stability. I may be cranky if I'm in project mode, but they know where to find me. In the middle of all the ways I can feel like a crappy parent, I know that my kids have the security of knowing where they can find me.

My youngest turns five this year and we'll be leaving early childhood behind us when he goes off to Kindergarden. I'm counting the days now, in part because I can't wait for a new phase in my life when we have all three in (the same) school and also because I will miss having the little dude around. This should be the last child we see through this phase of life. I didn't get to witness all of these times with my daughters because I was working outside the home then and my husband was the work-at-home parent. For a time, we were both home, first working from home at the same time and then notably NOT working for a year. We've gotten to spend a lot of time with our children and also work on volunteer projects that benefit our kids.

With Bill working outside now, I'm in the parenting hot seat full time, even though I still need to earn income. I feel like a better career person than full time parent. Having a paying job is easier than full-time motherhood, in my opinion. With motherhood as your main role, you are never off duty and there's not a lot of immediate gratification like a paycheck. You don't get the adult small talk patter of an office and you don't get the validation of a business title based on your years of study and hard work. It's hard to survive on one income in LA under the best economies and the realities of what being 100% dedicated to family means to the bottom line are difficult to handle.
I'm not trying to make a case that being a work at home mom is better than being a full-time dedicated mom, but for me it is a better fit. I do want to make the case that this motherhood thing is really complicated in 2010. I still want my own identity as career minded sort of person. I still want to feel like an adult sometimes with a clear job description and HR department. For me, not working is really hard. It's in my DNA to work.

I do think that if my husband's salary covered all the bills, then I would look at motherhood as my career and it might feel differently to me. But that's not the case today and I can't imagine it as a path that would be a great fit for me anyway. I didn't want to be a mom who was always working, but I also didn't want to be the mom who has a gap in her life when her kids grow up.
So much balancing needed in this crazy life.

This week I have a sick child and that's when I feel the most justified in being at home, however I'm here. My schedule is flexible and I don't feel stressed about how I'm going to deal with her being home. And where one is sick, there may be more. I'm always home though and so it doesn't stress me. I like doing nurse-mom stuff as much as I like snack-mom duty, so this is all good.

Changing Careers for Dummies- time to get bookish

I spent several years working in the Career Center at CSU, Northridge and more years beyond that counseling students about how volunteerism can impact career choices. I dispensed a lot of career guidance wisdom. My own career seemed pretty straight forward and was rolling out like good cookie dough. And then something went wrong with my recipe and now I find myself as a career changer at age 40 with 3 kids and a complicated lifestyle. Now I have to practice what I used to preach.

Armed with library books, websites, a white board with dry erase markers and lots of paper, I'm going to tackle my career changing dilemmas and look at some of my friends who seem to be in the same boat. In my case, I took a leap of faith when I left the stable state job and I'm still leaping away. What's hung me up was that my recipe went awry when I didn't count the economy tanking into my timeline. My husband's career took a huge hit in the last few years as well just when it looked like his plans were on track. I've had to face facts that my consulting career will need a little more time to get where I need it to be in order to support my family. Plus my niche market for the type of consulting I do in in a special place right now. Time for a new plan, new niches and broader approaches to what I do. Time to get busy.

My opinion of career exploration is that any process is a good one. I went to library and listened to friends and came up with a few books to get myself started. I'm looking for structure.
I want simple forms that help me understand how to fix the problem today. There are people who have formed their careers around career development and have figured out a thing or two.
I looked for systems that seemed easy to use. I would love to see the 2010 version of Parachute, but I don't want to invest in a hard cover at this time. Maybe after I wade into the 2006 library version, I'll be inspired to pay the $28 to buy the current book. There are chapters in the latest addition that talk about finding a job in hard times. Ironically, this version is not available yet at our libraries in LA. Whine. I'm having problems figuring out how to easily link into the library database, so I've found the books on Amazon just in case you want to make a purchase.

What Color Is Your Parachute? 2006 version- Richard Nelson Bolles. This is what I'm working from checked out at the library. I'll be referring to this book a lot in the coming blogs as I figure out what tools will help me.

Here's a link for the 2010 version I found on Amazon for a soft cover modern version at a great rate. YAY! I may have to buy it and then see where that gets us. http://www.amazon.com/What-Color-Your-Parachute-2010/dp/1580089879/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262555857&sr=8-1

For now, I'll be using the 2006 library option since I'm trying to go about this the low-budget way whenever possible. It would be handy if the library carried the version with the "hard times" section, eh?

I'm also reading and using book "Do What You Love For the Rest of Your Life- a practical guide to career change and personal renewal" by Bob Griffiths, also checked out from the LAPL.
I like the tone of this book and am finding many of the chapters and practically minded tools appealing. I think I'll be doing worksheets from various books as I progress. For now, I am enjoying reading this one and soaking up the positive perspective on gaining a sense of personal renewal with my career. Here's the Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/What-Love-Rest-Your-Life/dp/0345441397/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262556343&sr=8-1, but I found it in the library on-line at http://www.lapl.org/.

My last book stack entry into the mix is "Changing Careers for Dummies" by Carol L. McClelland.
This book sums up my experience right now. I feel like a dummy being in my situation. I didn't expect to land in this position when I took my leap of faith, yet here I am. I have to do something and this book distills my next steps into bites I can handle. I also enjoy the humor and easy to read format. Here's the Amazon link for this one:http://www.amazon.com/Changing-Careers-Dummies-Carol-McClelland/dp/0764553763/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262556489&sr=8-1

I'm looking forward to getting started with these books this week and getting myself back in action and focused on what I need to do next. I'll be blogging about what comes of all that and I hope you'll share your own career process stories here. Thanks!