Art Salon = truth intervention

The first step towards self improvement is admitting the truth, right? I already knew my truth related to "what I want to do", but I didn't really want to look at it. The truth had be obscured by a series of events- aka my life.

I remember years ago watching a guy on Oprah talking about how you always knew what you wanted to be, but had forgotten. Just look back at what you loved to do as a child and you would unlock your passion, he was saying. He also got into looking at this knowledge of what you always wanted to be as an guideline, not just literal. I thought a lot about what lessons came from my early ruminations about my then-future career.

I've always wanted to be a writer, as long as I can recall. I blame an early diet of female literary figures. I worked at it a lot as a child and into my early adult years. Then I realized that to be a writer I needed to get a life of my own in order to have something to say. So I put down my camera and pen and focused on said life and found myself drawn to jobs with writing involved, but not really traditionally creative roles. Meanwhile, looking back on my childhood- I always played "orphanage" with my dolls and friends I could suck into that game. I was an only child and I watched a lot of Shirley Temple movies and thought a lot about kids with no families.

By the time in my life where I was contemplating these choices I had been in the non profit sector a long time. It seemed like a fit as what I was meant to do, if I was listening to my childhood. I love helping people. I love being of service. I loved having a job that paid me to do things I would never have done on my own and what many people volunteer to do. I loved getting paid to do good works that I felt positive about when I hit the pillow at night.

When that path in my life came to a halt and I woke up with three kids in 2009 and no clear career direction, I had to reconsider all of it again. I wasn't really sure what role "dream job" could play in my life given the particulars going on in my life now. Most of what has driven me is the idea of a "job that pays" which has moved me forward in some ways, but hasn't helped me connect much with what I'm really trying to do here on this soil. I've made some hard choices along my leap of faith and I guess there's no turning back now.

Last week, I went to something called at Art Salon put on by my fabulous friend Andrea. The presenter was John Paul Thornton who talked about his book Art and Courage (http://www.atlasbooks.com/marktplc/02691.htm) and a variety of other topics. There was a lot of discussion about connecting with your inner artist and applying courage to various junctures in our lives. I felt fired up to get involved with my inner grrl artist, but she's rather tied up with logistically pragmatic issues at the moment like securing non dream income.

Then Andrea went around and asked us all what we were looking for through the Art Salon and played the role ( excellently, I might add) as moderator as we each worked through our stuff. I was in the hot seat third, following an amazingly inspiring woman who is very successful as a composer and working in kids television now. I felt like a dweeb. I felt like my brain was on fire as Andrea asked me about my goals and where I've been and what I've been working on. Mostly I've been working on not drowning, so I wasn't sure how to answer. Then she asked me, "if you could have my dream job, what would it be?" and I just couldn't answer that question well in my own head. I articulated that I thought I would want to work in TV. I may have said as a writer. My head was on fire, I don't recall what I actually verbalized.

After that, I felt really nauseous. I just hadn't been able to connect with my truth at that point. I had to stew in it for a few days to remember the truth. My dream job is to be an author. Or to be a cartoon voice. A cartoon laugh really. And be on Oprah. It kinda is all about Oprah.

I mean really my dream job is to not have to work, right? Then I can do what I want because I think it is awesome. That would be great too. But when someone says "dream job" to me, I start thinking about the implications of that word "job" and what I think it should mean. How do I want to earn a living? What do I want my legacy to be? What drives my spirit like a fun bus to Vegas? Writing. Duh. Last year around this time, Andrea told me to "stop being a pussy" and start blogging. I finally took her advice and started this blog which has been fun for me ever since. I know that if I keep writing, something exciting will happen.

So I want to write and I want to laugh. These are not bad outcomes as a truth gained at a Salon of amazing women.