Back in the day, when I worked at CSUN's Career Center, I never expected that I too would a career transitioning mom. I counseled a few of "them" in my time helping students plot their courses. The answers seem so much easier from where I was sitting at that time in history.
My career was so effortless, my experiences and contacts developing a rather direct path for me in the non profit/education management sector. I got paid to do tasks that many people can only do as volunteers. In many ways my jobs were dream jobs- I earned a living while supporting causes I care about and helping people.
Then I had my third child and the world shifted for me in so many ways. I needed my income source to be more flexible. I was sad at the years I was missing with my kids while I worked in an office. I wanted to be a different kind of parent. I also needed a larger income potential to be able to keep up with my growing family's needs. I needed to be bold and brave and quit my job and "find myself" in my career again. That was 2006.
When I first quit the stable job, I had a safety net. Or three. Those have eroded over the years now as I peel back my own priorities and examine several different models for how to survive and thrive in LA during The Great Repression.
I've tried to stay chipper during these years, but it's been a challenge.
This fall, my little dude heads to Kindergarten. Five years ago, his sister started at the same school. Because of my upbringing with divorced parents and several impacting moves in my life, having a consistent environment for my kids, especially around schools and social groups, has been a priority for me. I am proud of my ability to stay in LA and stick this all out, knowing that one day a solution will present itself and all of this difficultly will resolve into the "how" of the "what" will happen next. I'm also proud of the volunteer work we've done with the school over the past couple of years. Bill and I have reaped many benefits from our involvement including a rejuvination of our ability to trust the process and know that seemingly impossible plans do work out if you try and work hard enough. And are really stubborn, which is one trait we all share here in our house.
I'm looking forward to this fall as a time to rediscover my career again and be able to focus myself on that part of my life. The imbalanced feeling I've had in the decade now that I've had a baby or toddler in my life is now getting better.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sleeping again and I have mental energy to think about my own goals, dreams and aspirations.
I also have a househould (barely) functioning in a deep monthly deficit with no credit cards ( which is a good thing long term). My desire to explore my own career options and live my own truth as a career woman and mom is getting very up close and personal with a true need to find a way or ways to feed my family.
It all feels very complicated right now.
With a month until school starts, I'm working on the various models that I think I can manifest once I have all my ducklings in school. I'm needing some Plans A-F at this point and then we'll see which one works given all the particulars.
Two years into my non job/contract life, I still have faith that if I hang on to what I think is important and keep focused but flexible, that I'll find success "even in this economy." My last contracted ended the same month as the stock market crashed in '08. It's been fun times since then, for sure, but I continue to know that it will all make sense later. Until then, I keep swimming and casting those nets and knowing that something is going to work out.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Art Salon = truth intervention
The first step towards self improvement is admitting the truth, right? I already knew my truth related to "what I want to do", but I didn't really want to look at it. The truth had be obscured by a series of events- aka my life.
I remember years ago watching a guy on Oprah talking about how you always knew what you wanted to be, but had forgotten. Just look back at what you loved to do as a child and you would unlock your passion, he was saying. He also got into looking at this knowledge of what you always wanted to be as an guideline, not just literal. I thought a lot about what lessons came from my early ruminations about my then-future career.
I've always wanted to be a writer, as long as I can recall. I blame an early diet of female literary figures. I worked at it a lot as a child and into my early adult years. Then I realized that to be a writer I needed to get a life of my own in order to have something to say. So I put down my camera and pen and focused on said life and found myself drawn to jobs with writing involved, but not really traditionally creative roles. Meanwhile, looking back on my childhood- I always played "orphanage" with my dolls and friends I could suck into that game. I was an only child and I watched a lot of Shirley Temple movies and thought a lot about kids with no families.
By the time in my life where I was contemplating these choices I had been in the non profit sector a long time. It seemed like a fit as what I was meant to do, if I was listening to my childhood. I love helping people. I love being of service. I loved having a job that paid me to do things I would never have done on my own and what many people volunteer to do. I loved getting paid to do good works that I felt positive about when I hit the pillow at night.
When that path in my life came to a halt and I woke up with three kids in 2009 and no clear career direction, I had to reconsider all of it again. I wasn't really sure what role "dream job" could play in my life given the particulars going on in my life now. Most of what has driven me is the idea of a "job that pays" which has moved me forward in some ways, but hasn't helped me connect much with what I'm really trying to do here on this soil. I've made some hard choices along my leap of faith and I guess there's no turning back now.
Last week, I went to something called at Art Salon put on by my fabulous friend Andrea. The presenter was John Paul Thornton who talked about his book Art and Courage (http://www.atlasbooks.com/marktplc/02691.htm) and a variety of other topics. There was a lot of discussion about connecting with your inner artist and applying courage to various junctures in our lives. I felt fired up to get involved with my inner grrl artist, but she's rather tied up with logistically pragmatic issues at the moment like securing non dream income.
Then Andrea went around and asked us all what we were looking for through the Art Salon and played the role ( excellently, I might add) as moderator as we each worked through our stuff. I was in the hot seat third, following an amazingly inspiring woman who is very successful as a composer and working in kids television now. I felt like a dweeb. I felt like my brain was on fire as Andrea asked me about my goals and where I've been and what I've been working on. Mostly I've been working on not drowning, so I wasn't sure how to answer. Then she asked me, "if you could have my dream job, what would it be?" and I just couldn't answer that question well in my own head. I articulated that I thought I would want to work in TV. I may have said as a writer. My head was on fire, I don't recall what I actually verbalized.
After that, I felt really nauseous. I just hadn't been able to connect with my truth at that point. I had to stew in it for a few days to remember the truth. My dream job is to be an author. Or to be a cartoon voice. A cartoon laugh really. And be on Oprah. It kinda is all about Oprah.
I mean really my dream job is to not have to work, right? Then I can do what I want because I think it is awesome. That would be great too. But when someone says "dream job" to me, I start thinking about the implications of that word "job" and what I think it should mean. How do I want to earn a living? What do I want my legacy to be? What drives my spirit like a fun bus to Vegas? Writing. Duh. Last year around this time, Andrea told me to "stop being a pussy" and start blogging. I finally took her advice and started this blog which has been fun for me ever since. I know that if I keep writing, something exciting will happen.
So I want to write and I want to laugh. These are not bad outcomes as a truth gained at a Salon of amazing women.
I remember years ago watching a guy on Oprah talking about how you always knew what you wanted to be, but had forgotten. Just look back at what you loved to do as a child and you would unlock your passion, he was saying. He also got into looking at this knowledge of what you always wanted to be as an guideline, not just literal. I thought a lot about what lessons came from my early ruminations about my then-future career.
I've always wanted to be a writer, as long as I can recall. I blame an early diet of female literary figures. I worked at it a lot as a child and into my early adult years. Then I realized that to be a writer I needed to get a life of my own in order to have something to say. So I put down my camera and pen and focused on said life and found myself drawn to jobs with writing involved, but not really traditionally creative roles. Meanwhile, looking back on my childhood- I always played "orphanage" with my dolls and friends I could suck into that game. I was an only child and I watched a lot of Shirley Temple movies and thought a lot about kids with no families.
By the time in my life where I was contemplating these choices I had been in the non profit sector a long time. It seemed like a fit as what I was meant to do, if I was listening to my childhood. I love helping people. I love being of service. I loved having a job that paid me to do things I would never have done on my own and what many people volunteer to do. I loved getting paid to do good works that I felt positive about when I hit the pillow at night.
When that path in my life came to a halt and I woke up with three kids in 2009 and no clear career direction, I had to reconsider all of it again. I wasn't really sure what role "dream job" could play in my life given the particulars going on in my life now. Most of what has driven me is the idea of a "job that pays" which has moved me forward in some ways, but hasn't helped me connect much with what I'm really trying to do here on this soil. I've made some hard choices along my leap of faith and I guess there's no turning back now.
Last week, I went to something called at Art Salon put on by my fabulous friend Andrea. The presenter was John Paul Thornton who talked about his book Art and Courage (http://www.atlasbooks.com/marktplc/02691.htm) and a variety of other topics. There was a lot of discussion about connecting with your inner artist and applying courage to various junctures in our lives. I felt fired up to get involved with my inner grrl artist, but she's rather tied up with logistically pragmatic issues at the moment like securing non dream income.
Then Andrea went around and asked us all what we were looking for through the Art Salon and played the role ( excellently, I might add) as moderator as we each worked through our stuff. I was in the hot seat third, following an amazingly inspiring woman who is very successful as a composer and working in kids television now. I felt like a dweeb. I felt like my brain was on fire as Andrea asked me about my goals and where I've been and what I've been working on. Mostly I've been working on not drowning, so I wasn't sure how to answer. Then she asked me, "if you could have my dream job, what would it be?" and I just couldn't answer that question well in my own head. I articulated that I thought I would want to work in TV. I may have said as a writer. My head was on fire, I don't recall what I actually verbalized.
After that, I felt really nauseous. I just hadn't been able to connect with my truth at that point. I had to stew in it for a few days to remember the truth. My dream job is to be an author. Or to be a cartoon voice. A cartoon laugh really. And be on Oprah. It kinda is all about Oprah.
I mean really my dream job is to not have to work, right? Then I can do what I want because I think it is awesome. That would be great too. But when someone says "dream job" to me, I start thinking about the implications of that word "job" and what I think it should mean. How do I want to earn a living? What do I want my legacy to be? What drives my spirit like a fun bus to Vegas? Writing. Duh. Last year around this time, Andrea told me to "stop being a pussy" and start blogging. I finally took her advice and started this blog which has been fun for me ever since. I know that if I keep writing, something exciting will happen.
So I want to write and I want to laugh. These are not bad outcomes as a truth gained at a Salon of amazing women.
Monday, March 29, 2010
My Year Without A Job: Lessons in media and tradition
Facebook saved my spirit when I lost my income. I got wrapped up playing apps and honing my skill as a gamer while I stewed in my own sadness. I reconnected with old friends and started new relationships because of this community connecting superhighway inside the box.
Since I worked at a university for a good chunk of the last chunk of the last decade or so, I was in a great position to understand social media, even "at my age." I started with Myspace while I was working at CSUN and found that it was a great way to stay connected with my favorite students after I left. Then came Facebook and Twitter and things got really interesting at that point. I found myself swimming along the social networking currents and learning a lot along the way. After a couple years of living in this realm, I find that I enjoy it a lot and that I am happy that I used my time without a job description to teach myself some modern skills. As a mom of three kids, I want to feel as current in the marketplace as I can while still maintaining a sense of life balance.
Here are some of my lessons learned around media, 2010, being a career changer and trying to stay current in some changing energy currents:
1. Get your story straight. What's your plan? What is it you are trying to accomplish using social media? Be clear about what you want to offer and what you want in exchange. When I would say "I am a grant writer" at parties or on Facebook, people would say "whaaa?" and then eventually they might think of a non profit they know who "needs someone like me" ( typically as a volunteer) which they talk about like I do voo doo. I had to get clear with what I was seeking in a career path, how I thought people in my life might help. I needed to learn to make it easy to understand and clear in regards to what I needed. I had to get clear with myself about what I thought I needed. You might seek the services of a career coach, life coach, therapist, representative of faith or other guidance oriented human for this part of the process. There's a lot to sort through in getting your story figured out when you feel confused.
2. Be open minded - While simultaneously getting more clear about your needs and what you think might be a next step for your career path as illustrated in my #1, you also have to be open minded to where the solution may originate. Friends from previous schools and jobs may provide the keys to your current issues. You may find a new career direction comes at you from unexpected places and in packages you didn't expect.
3. It is about who you know, especially in this kind of economy. People who know you are more interested in helping you. I had to get over some embarrassment about needing help finding my career path again. I started posting more and more about my quest and I got all sorts of different types of assistance as a result. My 350 "friends" on Facebook reflect my forty years of life. Some of them I've known since I was born and I have lots of people gained in the journey. Now I can share my life with them in little bite sized nuggets and I can enjoy looking at what they are eating for lunch today. In the end, our relationships ( fostered through social media) were what got us back on the income path. My husband's new boss was one of my favorite, active student volunteers at CSUN.
4. Get over your hang ups about asking for help. If you are stuck in your quest for income, help can only be, well, helpful. Stop worrying about how you will look to others and start talking about what you need. Family parties, social media, lunch dates with former co-workers are all valid places to spread the news about what you are looking for and how others might help you get it. People in your life probably want to help you and the people who like to talk smack about your personal lives are gonna talk anyways. So stop worrying and start connecting to people who care about you and want to help you.
5. Find faith. Find a support system. Find therapy. Find something that helps you put a frame of your experience for you. The internet is great for this. You can get on career related boards, social boards and niche boards. What you need during times of crisis and change is a sense that you are not alone. That's where the internet really shines. Without my mothering boards, I would have not survived early motherhood. Many of these women are still my friends ( now on Facebook). I still love mothering related boards and I find a lot of compassion and great ideas at these centers of online communities, even career related. I also have used social media to connect with others who share my faith. I find this very satisfying and helpful during times where I've felt my faith ( and resolve in my own plan) was being tested. Seeking tribe in one form or another is import during career transition. Equally important is having a focus for your group efforts so it doesn't become a pity party.
Since I worked at a university for a good chunk of the last chunk of the last decade or so, I was in a great position to understand social media, even "at my age." I started with Myspace while I was working at CSUN and found that it was a great way to stay connected with my favorite students after I left. Then came Facebook and Twitter and things got really interesting at that point. I found myself swimming along the social networking currents and learning a lot along the way. After a couple years of living in this realm, I find that I enjoy it a lot and that I am happy that I used my time without a job description to teach myself some modern skills. As a mom of three kids, I want to feel as current in the marketplace as I can while still maintaining a sense of life balance.
Here are some of my lessons learned around media, 2010, being a career changer and trying to stay current in some changing energy currents:
1. Get your story straight. What's your plan? What is it you are trying to accomplish using social media? Be clear about what you want to offer and what you want in exchange. When I would say "I am a grant writer" at parties or on Facebook, people would say "whaaa?" and then eventually they might think of a non profit they know who "needs someone like me" ( typically as a volunteer) which they talk about like I do voo doo. I had to get clear with what I was seeking in a career path, how I thought people in my life might help. I needed to learn to make it easy to understand and clear in regards to what I needed. I had to get clear with myself about what I thought I needed. You might seek the services of a career coach, life coach, therapist, representative of faith or other guidance oriented human for this part of the process. There's a lot to sort through in getting your story figured out when you feel confused.
2. Be open minded - While simultaneously getting more clear about your needs and what you think might be a next step for your career path as illustrated in my #1, you also have to be open minded to where the solution may originate. Friends from previous schools and jobs may provide the keys to your current issues. You may find a new career direction comes at you from unexpected places and in packages you didn't expect.
3. It is about who you know, especially in this kind of economy. People who know you are more interested in helping you. I had to get over some embarrassment about needing help finding my career path again. I started posting more and more about my quest and I got all sorts of different types of assistance as a result. My 350 "friends" on Facebook reflect my forty years of life. Some of them I've known since I was born and I have lots of people gained in the journey. Now I can share my life with them in little bite sized nuggets and I can enjoy looking at what they are eating for lunch today. In the end, our relationships ( fostered through social media) were what got us back on the income path. My husband's new boss was one of my favorite, active student volunteers at CSUN.
4. Get over your hang ups about asking for help. If you are stuck in your quest for income, help can only be, well, helpful. Stop worrying about how you will look to others and start talking about what you need. Family parties, social media, lunch dates with former co-workers are all valid places to spread the news about what you are looking for and how others might help you get it. People in your life probably want to help you and the people who like to talk smack about your personal lives are gonna talk anyways. So stop worrying and start connecting to people who care about you and want to help you.
5. Find faith. Find a support system. Find therapy. Find something that helps you put a frame of your experience for you. The internet is great for this. You can get on career related boards, social boards and niche boards. What you need during times of crisis and change is a sense that you are not alone. That's where the internet really shines. Without my mothering boards, I would have not survived early motherhood. Many of these women are still my friends ( now on Facebook). I still love mothering related boards and I find a lot of compassion and great ideas at these centers of online communities, even career related. I also have used social media to connect with others who share my faith. I find this very satisfying and helpful during times where I've felt my faith ( and resolve in my own plan) was being tested. Seeking tribe in one form or another is import during career transition. Equally important is having a focus for your group efforts so it doesn't become a pity party.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Living my own truth
When I had a j-o-b with a description and an HR department attached, I had an identity applied to me. These titles I held helped to define me. When I lost my title, along with my income, over a year ago, I thought my life was over. I wasn't sure how to define myself anymore. The tasks I was getting paid for before are no longer priority funding areas. The news in my former industry
(non profit and education) continues to be troubling.
Meanwhile, my self worth and sense of who I am professionally took a nose dive. That was painful.
My career has been safe and tidy up until recently. I made seemingly wise choices to direct me towards my goals. When I found myself without a safe path anymore, I was in shock. That shock led me to have to face a few questions.
Career discovery questions:
1. What would I do if I wasn't being paid to do anything in particular?
2. After my year without a job, what was I doing with my time? Where was my energy in 2010?
3. What is really important to me in 2010 and what are my priorities now?
4. What lessons can I take from my year without a job into my next life phase?
The reason I separate questions one and two is that I asked myself the question about my time over the course of my year without a job. At first it was more speculative. I wasn't sure what I would end up doing other than freaking out about not having income. What I learned was that I love talking on the phone and on-line, writing and helping other people solve their own problems. I also like to volunteer and consult and stay mentally connected to projects that inspire me.
After a while, I learned what I was actually doing with my time. I had spent a lot of energy on on-line social networking and writing and PR over my year without a job. I had learned new skills around PR and found myself with a strange hobby of getting national press talking about my life. Hunh.
When my husband got an income generating position with a non profit, I had to take a hard look at my own priorities with my income earning life. I've been in do-gooder, service oriented jobs my whole adult life. Now that I have an active volunteer, family and community life, I don't have the same emotional needs I did before with my career. Now I want my career to fit into my life and be part of who I am now. I'm excited to be getting involved with new projects and new adventures in a more for-profit world. I figure that if I can find a way to make a good income and support my family, all the better.
I continue to marvel at how we made it through this year without income. It took a lot of fortitude. I want to be aware of the lessons I gained in my year and try to use my experiences to make the best informed choices I can moving forward.
Some things I've come to understand:
1. I love writing. I was in denial about it. It's what I always wanted to do. Writing grants as my career path was a great back up plan, but now I feel I have something to say for myself. Having the opportunity to express myself with reporters helped me a lot. Working with reporters helped me understand the business of writing. I'm not sure many of us are completely clear about how to make money in 2010 writing, but we're sure working at it! I plan to keep writing and talking until someone pays me to write or talk for them.
2. I still want to work from home. I love my hybrid mom/career life. It works for me and it is the dream I always had growing up. I want to have my career and be connected with my kids. For me, that means working from home at this point. I continue to seek ways to succeed in this goal and get the bottom line to a better place.
3. Selling myself is hard. Coming up with a list of the skills I am willing to "sell" has been a challenge. Applying for a job with a description that makes sense to me is easy, creating my own path is much more difficult. I'm getting there.
I'm just swimming along these days. I'm happy I'm not settling for a job I don't feel is a fit and I'm also happy that I'm forging my own path. I'm pretty clear that's the way you find success- do what you love and the rest will follow. In a modern real life, however, that's a tall order to accomplish.
(non profit and education) continues to be troubling.
Meanwhile, my self worth and sense of who I am professionally took a nose dive. That was painful.
My career has been safe and tidy up until recently. I made seemingly wise choices to direct me towards my goals. When I found myself without a safe path anymore, I was in shock. That shock led me to have to face a few questions.
Career discovery questions:
1. What would I do if I wasn't being paid to do anything in particular?
2. After my year without a job, what was I doing with my time? Where was my energy in 2010?
3. What is really important to me in 2010 and what are my priorities now?
4. What lessons can I take from my year without a job into my next life phase?
The reason I separate questions one and two is that I asked myself the question about my time over the course of my year without a job. At first it was more speculative. I wasn't sure what I would end up doing other than freaking out about not having income. What I learned was that I love talking on the phone and on-line, writing and helping other people solve their own problems. I also like to volunteer and consult and stay mentally connected to projects that inspire me.
After a while, I learned what I was actually doing with my time. I had spent a lot of energy on on-line social networking and writing and PR over my year without a job. I had learned new skills around PR and found myself with a strange hobby of getting national press talking about my life. Hunh.
When my husband got an income generating position with a non profit, I had to take a hard look at my own priorities with my income earning life. I've been in do-gooder, service oriented jobs my whole adult life. Now that I have an active volunteer, family and community life, I don't have the same emotional needs I did before with my career. Now I want my career to fit into my life and be part of who I am now. I'm excited to be getting involved with new projects and new adventures in a more for-profit world. I figure that if I can find a way to make a good income and support my family, all the better.
I continue to marvel at how we made it through this year without income. It took a lot of fortitude. I want to be aware of the lessons I gained in my year and try to use my experiences to make the best informed choices I can moving forward.
Some things I've come to understand:
1. I love writing. I was in denial about it. It's what I always wanted to do. Writing grants as my career path was a great back up plan, but now I feel I have something to say for myself. Having the opportunity to express myself with reporters helped me a lot. Working with reporters helped me understand the business of writing. I'm not sure many of us are completely clear about how to make money in 2010 writing, but we're sure working at it! I plan to keep writing and talking until someone pays me to write or talk for them.
2. I still want to work from home. I love my hybrid mom/career life. It works for me and it is the dream I always had growing up. I want to have my career and be connected with my kids. For me, that means working from home at this point. I continue to seek ways to succeed in this goal and get the bottom line to a better place.
3. Selling myself is hard. Coming up with a list of the skills I am willing to "sell" has been a challenge. Applying for a job with a description that makes sense to me is easy, creating my own path is much more difficult. I'm getting there.
I'm just swimming along these days. I'm happy I'm not settling for a job I don't feel is a fit and I'm also happy that I'm forging my own path. I'm pretty clear that's the way you find success- do what you love and the rest will follow. In a modern real life, however, that's a tall order to accomplish.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Always Here
As a latch key kid of working divorced parents, it was important to me to that my kids got to see me and my husband.... while they were still kids. Afternoon snack, homework and play time are two of my favorite parts of being a work-at- home mom. I've learned that, while I may not be as involved as a 100% dedicated mom can be, I can still hit transitions with the kids all day and I enjoy those. We eat cook and eat together a lot more than the average family does these days, I think.
In fact, while the current term stay at home mom seems to apply to fewer and fewer of my friends, I also notice that these women ( or their counter part the stay at home dad) don't "stay" at home as much as I do as a work-from-home mom. I always thought the term stay-at-home mom was awkward, primarily because I see these moms out volunteering, shlepping to events, doing family chores, etc. Because I'm tethered to my job, I have to be home to do it. I stay at home a lot, trying to find time to get it all done.
On the other hand, I am always home. My life has conspired to make this possible since I don't drive, but my kids know I'm always here and I think they benefit from that stability. I may be cranky if I'm in project mode, but they know where to find me. In the middle of all the ways I can feel like a crappy parent, I know that my kids have the security of knowing where they can find me.
My youngest turns five this year and we'll be leaving early childhood behind us when he goes off to Kindergarden. I'm counting the days now, in part because I can't wait for a new phase in my life when we have all three in (the same) school and also because I will miss having the little dude around. This should be the last child we see through this phase of life. I didn't get to witness all of these times with my daughters because I was working outside the home then and my husband was the work-at-home parent. For a time, we were both home, first working from home at the same time and then notably NOT working for a year. We've gotten to spend a lot of time with our children and also work on volunteer projects that benefit our kids.
With Bill working outside now, I'm in the parenting hot seat full time, even though I still need to earn income. I feel like a better career person than full time parent. Having a paying job is easier than full-time motherhood, in my opinion. With motherhood as your main role, you are never off duty and there's not a lot of immediate gratification like a paycheck. You don't get the adult small talk patter of an office and you don't get the validation of a business title based on your years of study and hard work. It's hard to survive on one income in LA under the best economies and the realities of what being 100% dedicated to family means to the bottom line are difficult to handle.
I'm not trying to make a case that being a work at home mom is better than being a full-time dedicated mom, but for me it is a better fit. I do want to make the case that this motherhood thing is really complicated in 2010. I still want my own identity as career minded sort of person. I still want to feel like an adult sometimes with a clear job description and HR department. For me, not working is really hard. It's in my DNA to work.
I do think that if my husband's salary covered all the bills, then I would look at motherhood as my career and it might feel differently to me. But that's not the case today and I can't imagine it as a path that would be a great fit for me anyway. I didn't want to be a mom who was always working, but I also didn't want to be the mom who has a gap in her life when her kids grow up.
So much balancing needed in this crazy life.
This week I have a sick child and that's when I feel the most justified in being at home, however I'm here. My schedule is flexible and I don't feel stressed about how I'm going to deal with her being home. And where one is sick, there may be more. I'm always home though and so it doesn't stress me. I like doing nurse-mom stuff as much as I like snack-mom duty, so this is all good.
In fact, while the current term stay at home mom seems to apply to fewer and fewer of my friends, I also notice that these women ( or their counter part the stay at home dad) don't "stay" at home as much as I do as a work-from-home mom. I always thought the term stay-at-home mom was awkward, primarily because I see these moms out volunteering, shlepping to events, doing family chores, etc. Because I'm tethered to my job, I have to be home to do it. I stay at home a lot, trying to find time to get it all done.
On the other hand, I am always home. My life has conspired to make this possible since I don't drive, but my kids know I'm always here and I think they benefit from that stability. I may be cranky if I'm in project mode, but they know where to find me. In the middle of all the ways I can feel like a crappy parent, I know that my kids have the security of knowing where they can find me.
My youngest turns five this year and we'll be leaving early childhood behind us when he goes off to Kindergarden. I'm counting the days now, in part because I can't wait for a new phase in my life when we have all three in (the same) school and also because I will miss having the little dude around. This should be the last child we see through this phase of life. I didn't get to witness all of these times with my daughters because I was working outside the home then and my husband was the work-at-home parent. For a time, we were both home, first working from home at the same time and then notably NOT working for a year. We've gotten to spend a lot of time with our children and also work on volunteer projects that benefit our kids.
With Bill working outside now, I'm in the parenting hot seat full time, even though I still need to earn income. I feel like a better career person than full time parent. Having a paying job is easier than full-time motherhood, in my opinion. With motherhood as your main role, you are never off duty and there's not a lot of immediate gratification like a paycheck. You don't get the adult small talk patter of an office and you don't get the validation of a business title based on your years of study and hard work. It's hard to survive on one income in LA under the best economies and the realities of what being 100% dedicated to family means to the bottom line are difficult to handle.
I'm not trying to make a case that being a work at home mom is better than being a full-time dedicated mom, but for me it is a better fit. I do want to make the case that this motherhood thing is really complicated in 2010. I still want my own identity as career minded sort of person. I still want to feel like an adult sometimes with a clear job description and HR department. For me, not working is really hard. It's in my DNA to work.
I do think that if my husband's salary covered all the bills, then I would look at motherhood as my career and it might feel differently to me. But that's not the case today and I can't imagine it as a path that would be a great fit for me anyway. I didn't want to be a mom who was always working, but I also didn't want to be the mom who has a gap in her life when her kids grow up.
So much balancing needed in this crazy life.
This week I have a sick child and that's when I feel the most justified in being at home, however I'm here. My schedule is flexible and I don't feel stressed about how I'm going to deal with her being home. And where one is sick, there may be more. I'm always home though and so it doesn't stress me. I like doing nurse-mom stuff as much as I like snack-mom duty, so this is all good.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Faith and Career Change ~ 2010 Style
I had been waiting so long for an answer to what happens next for us with our careers that I was shocked when it arrived. The last three weeks since my husband went back to work in an office have been trippy for all of us. We've have to adjust from two of us at home worrying about who would get a paying opportunity first and where it would come from. Now we know and knowing is half the battle.
The other half of the battle, where I re-balance my life, has been taking most of my energy since Bill went back to an office. It has been over a decade since he worked outside our home and I really didn't see this coming in the script. The good news for me is that now I get to explore what's next for me with a little more clarity. With both of us out of work, it has been a true test of our faith with the plans we had for ourselves. We weren't sure were the solution would come from, we only knew that we had to hang on long enough to get ourselves there. After a year of neither of us bringing in much income, we were just about at the point of no return when the solution arrived. YAY!
Faith is a part of career changing - faith in a higher purpose, faith that it will all work out, faith in yourself. For me, this journey has been a test of my faith and now I feel content that things are going along as they should be. I was feeling pretty out of whack there, but I knew it would make sense eventually. Once we got a piece of the puzzle established- one of us employed- we were able to see how the whole picture is evolving. Now I feel like I'm connected with my higher purpose again which feels awesome. Amazing what happens when you pay attention.
With a sense that we can pay some of our bills, I can now analyze what I need to do next. Interestingly, I've come to understand that I don't need my job to have the meaning that it once did. In the past, working in non-profits has allowed me to feel good about my career and that's helped me feel good about my life. Now my life is multi-textured with family and community connections that bring meaning into my world. My career needed to do that in the past and now it doesn't. Interesting. Now I'm interesting in talking and writing and hopefully earning a giant pile of money so I can support my family in Los Angeles now that my husband has a non-profit job full of meaning. I feel focused and like I'm in the right place for me. Whew.
While I'm finding it hard to adjust to the new paradigm, I'm also feeling extremely happy about where I'm at these days. I feel like I'm using my natural born gifts for good and doing important work in a different way now. I feel connected to my own purpose and ready to just get the job done. YAY!
I'll post more soon about some exciting projects brewing in my world. For today, I wanted to share about keeping the faith - whatever that means to you- during hard times. Tests of faith help up prove to ourselves that we're on the right path. That we are not crazy ( or it doesn't matter) and that our plans are going to work out. These tests suck about as much as tests in school did, but they help us assess where we are. And just like a smily face and "perfecto" on a spelling test can make a seven year old beam with pride, so too can we feel pride in accomplishing our goals and making it through the rough, testy times. Hopefully all this testing leads to becoming more knowledgeable, wiser creatures.
The other half of the battle, where I re-balance my life, has been taking most of my energy since Bill went back to an office. It has been over a decade since he worked outside our home and I really didn't see this coming in the script. The good news for me is that now I get to explore what's next for me with a little more clarity. With both of us out of work, it has been a true test of our faith with the plans we had for ourselves. We weren't sure were the solution would come from, we only knew that we had to hang on long enough to get ourselves there. After a year of neither of us bringing in much income, we were just about at the point of no return when the solution arrived. YAY!
Faith is a part of career changing - faith in a higher purpose, faith that it will all work out, faith in yourself. For me, this journey has been a test of my faith and now I feel content that things are going along as they should be. I was feeling pretty out of whack there, but I knew it would make sense eventually. Once we got a piece of the puzzle established- one of us employed- we were able to see how the whole picture is evolving. Now I feel like I'm connected with my higher purpose again which feels awesome. Amazing what happens when you pay attention.
With a sense that we can pay some of our bills, I can now analyze what I need to do next. Interestingly, I've come to understand that I don't need my job to have the meaning that it once did. In the past, working in non-profits has allowed me to feel good about my career and that's helped me feel good about my life. Now my life is multi-textured with family and community connections that bring meaning into my world. My career needed to do that in the past and now it doesn't. Interesting. Now I'm interesting in talking and writing and hopefully earning a giant pile of money so I can support my family in Los Angeles now that my husband has a non-profit job full of meaning. I feel focused and like I'm in the right place for me. Whew.
While I'm finding it hard to adjust to the new paradigm, I'm also feeling extremely happy about where I'm at these days. I feel like I'm using my natural born gifts for good and doing important work in a different way now. I feel connected to my own purpose and ready to just get the job done. YAY!
I'll post more soon about some exciting projects brewing in my world. For today, I wanted to share about keeping the faith - whatever that means to you- during hard times. Tests of faith help up prove to ourselves that we're on the right path. That we are not crazy ( or it doesn't matter) and that our plans are going to work out. These tests suck about as much as tests in school did, but they help us assess where we are. And just like a smily face and "perfecto" on a spelling test can make a seven year old beam with pride, so too can we feel pride in accomplishing our goals and making it through the rough, testy times. Hopefully all this testing leads to becoming more knowledgeable, wiser creatures.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Leaping Leaps of Faith
Once upon a time, my husband and I decided that the office life was killing me slowly and I needed to come home and "find myself" and my path. His career looked stable and I had contracts lined up to consult. Then the world changed.
From 2006 when I quit my steady job with the student assistants and the office and the door, things started to get funky in the economy. But I had taken a leap of faith. Things got leapy very quickly.
I guess with leaps of faith part of the gig is that you don't know where you are headed, you just have to trust that the direction will lead you where you need to go. That's much easier to say than do, as the last few years of my life can illustrate. Going a year without income from either Bill or myself was a huge test of our character and convictions. We learned a lot about the system and what happens when you are suddenly out of your tax bracket. We learned a lot about people in our lives- those who rose to the occasion and stuck it out with us and those who pulled away because it was too hard to witness the painful parts.
When I left my job at CSU Northridge coordinating student volunteers in non profits, I thought I would be a non profit consultant next in my life. My plan was to develop myself as a resource for organizations and as a grant writer. Three years later, my husband is hired as a grant writer. He's getting more calls for video game projects too. His career is back on track to be consistent and allow me to explore my own career path in 2010 as a mother of three with transportation issues.
My husband's non profit salary is not enough to allow me to completely slack off as I search for myself. But the benefits will help calm me down a lot. He has not had a consistent job in a long time. The stability of it is intoxicating to me. MMMMM....... Smells like the ability to plan ahead a little. YAY!
As for me, I'm still leaping along. My plan now is to keep talking and writing till someone pays to shut me up. I'm looking for paying work I can do from home that allows me to stay true to my ham and not compromise my own values. I'm also looking ahead at my youngest starting school next year with his sisters. That means I can make different choices then. YAY! And now I can plan for my path and see what happens.
Leaping along....... Bill starts his new job today and I start my quest for new life patterns.
Nikki
From 2006 when I quit my steady job with the student assistants and the office and the door, things started to get funky in the economy. But I had taken a leap of faith. Things got leapy very quickly.
I guess with leaps of faith part of the gig is that you don't know where you are headed, you just have to trust that the direction will lead you where you need to go. That's much easier to say than do, as the last few years of my life can illustrate. Going a year without income from either Bill or myself was a huge test of our character and convictions. We learned a lot about the system and what happens when you are suddenly out of your tax bracket. We learned a lot about people in our lives- those who rose to the occasion and stuck it out with us and those who pulled away because it was too hard to witness the painful parts.
When I left my job at CSU Northridge coordinating student volunteers in non profits, I thought I would be a non profit consultant next in my life. My plan was to develop myself as a resource for organizations and as a grant writer. Three years later, my husband is hired as a grant writer. He's getting more calls for video game projects too. His career is back on track to be consistent and allow me to explore my own career path in 2010 as a mother of three with transportation issues.
My husband's non profit salary is not enough to allow me to completely slack off as I search for myself. But the benefits will help calm me down a lot. He has not had a consistent job in a long time. The stability of it is intoxicating to me. MMMMM....... Smells like the ability to plan ahead a little. YAY!
As for me, I'm still leaping along. My plan now is to keep talking and writing till someone pays to shut me up. I'm looking for paying work I can do from home that allows me to stay true to my ham and not compromise my own values. I'm also looking ahead at my youngest starting school next year with his sisters. That means I can make different choices then. YAY! And now I can plan for my path and see what happens.
Leaping along....... Bill starts his new job today and I start my quest for new life patterns.
Nikki
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